Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
