Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
