This girl is more easily done than said...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
