Do you still have your period?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
