I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
