I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My balls are so social today.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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