Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
