The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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