he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
