I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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