If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
