I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
