1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
no you cant smoke seaweed
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i drank out of a bidet.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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