I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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