Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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