Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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