lets start a swedish sibling band together
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
