if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
