I puked a lego.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
