I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
