6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So much Jack, so little girl.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
