I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
