how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
