I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
