First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
