Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
