Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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