her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
