Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
