The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
