And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
