Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
