I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
