my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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