How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
