Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
this is an emotional support booty call
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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