absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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