All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
