Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
