pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
