Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
