his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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