I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
