I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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