Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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