i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
