I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
