Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
