Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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