Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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