I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm always down for nudity.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
